This is going to sound kind of woo-woo, but bear with me: magic spells are real.
That is, if you believe that a magic spell is a collection of words or phrases that alter reality. Hear me out.
You know that thing that happens where you buy a gray Honda CR-V, and then within a week it seems like there are gray Honda CR-Vs everywhere you look? That’s because of a part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System. That System is a filter. You get millions of inputs every day: sensations, smells, thoughts, visuals, sounds… so much that you can’t possibly process it all. So your brain evolved a filter that only lets you notice the stuff that’s important.
If you spend $30,000 on a new car, and it looks like a gray Honda CR-V, you have told your brain that gray Honda CR-Vs are very important. And so of the literally thousands of cars you see every day, your brain will ignore the Subarus and the Fords and the Toyotas and will only flag the cars that look like gray Honda CR-Vs.
Why is this important? Because that filtering system works with a lot more than just cars.
You ever meet someone who describes themselves as “always late?” I know a bunch of those people. Some of them I know really well. And do you know how many of them are actually, truly always late? None of them. But they’re late more often than not. And because they have this story they tell that they’re always late, their brains only register the times that they’re late and not the times that they’re early. And so they get to this cycle of belief where:
- They show up late.
- They tell themselves that they’re always late.
- Their brain looks for and points out evidence that they are always late and filters out anything else.
- The believe that they’re always late.
- They show up late and the cycle continues.
The words you use matter. And because of that Reticular Activating System, they can change your perception of your experience and can change your actions. Like magic spells.
Saying things like “I hate this,” “this is so hard,” “I suck at this,” “I’m tired,” “I can’t,” “That’s my downfall,” is incredibly powerful. So is slumping your shoulders, shaking your head no, and putting your head in your hands. I’m not saying none of those things are true, I’m not saying there aren’t very good reasons to have that kind of body language, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel your feelings. But I am saying that words and body language are powerful and can absolutely make hard things worse.
Luckily, that filter, that Reticular Activating System, is pretty primitive and pretty easy to reprogram. And you don’t even have to buy a new car.
All you have to do is notice the language you’re using, and then slowly start to change it. You might be bad at this at first. That’s ok. You’ll get better. Writing sticky notes to yourself can help. So can writing and rewriting a sentence or phrase in a journal. Things like “I feel strong.” “I feel ready.” “I’m getting better.” “I’m learning.” “I can handle this.” “I always rise to meet a challenge,” are all phrases that can kickstart that exact same filtering and belief cycle we saw above. Same thing with picking your head up, pulling your shoulders back, and taking a deep breath.
Hokey? Maybe. Powerful? Yes.
But all those philosophers and coaches were right: the thoughts in our heads really do become words. And those words really do become actions. And those actions really do become habits. And those habits really do become our character. And our character really does become our destiny.
And it starts within. Like magic.