by Kik Suprenant

A quick google definition search of the word confidence will lead you to the following:

  • the state of feeling certain about the truth of something.

This first definition takes me back to the beginning of my journey with Underwood Park CrossFit. I had just run in a 5k at a local event hosted by the gym. Having had my first daughter 18 months prior, I had gained significant weight during my pregnancy (which was not going away on its own) and struggled with postpartum depression. It felt like a huge win to get back into being active after such a dark time. Some members of the gym who were also running introduced themselves. They spoke so highly of this gym community and I was intrigued to find out more. It was a few months later that I felt that first sense of confidence. My truth was knowing I needed to start taking care of me. I joined the UPCF boot camp program. Having been an athlete throughout my high school career, it was comforting to be in a space that accepted my current abilities, rather than where I had been in the past. There was no pressure to fulfill outlandish goals that weren’t realistic. Instead it was an ease that allowed me to build back into working towards consistent and realistic progress in my fitness journey.

The next definition of confidence lists:

  • the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.

After completing my boot camp I decided that this progress I had made needed to continue. I was all in and determined to stay on track. I began my CrossFit membership and have been training for over four years. It is the second bulleted definition of confidence I now felt. I knew I had a place and people I could rely on. This gym has become more than just “getting fit” for me. It is here that I feel a strong sense of community and have found people that truly care about my well being. This gym and the coaches here continue to seek out ways to improve and develop what they are doing for their members. Level Method and UPCF, Version COVID-19 are two prime examples of that, but there are dozens more. They strive to provide the best possible outcomes for their athletes. I have firm trust that our coaches go above and beyond to help all members achieve success.

  • a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

Now the last definition of confidence…for me and I’m sure many others is the hardest. Confidence in YOU. It’s easy to say that I have confidence in my decision to join Underwood Park CrossFit, and confidence in my gym and coaches. But to say I have it in me is a challenge I have, and one I continuously struggle with. Those that know me at the gym know I have a persona of being funny, loud, outgoing, and sometimes (or maybe lots of times) over the top. These are mechanisms I’ve picked up to mask and hide the deeper issues of depression and anxiety that I have struggled with beginning as an adolescent. While my outside appearance might seem confident, internally it’s a challenge I battle regularly. Taking on this new role of coaching is helping to build that confidence within me, but like all other journeys it’s an ongoing process. There are days I feel on top of the world (Murph 2021 was a good day). But there are also days I wish I was a hermit crab that could hide in my shell forever. Saying these things are hard to admit. It makes me feel exposed and vulnerable. By saying them though, others will relate and see that we are all fighting our own battles everyday. Sometimes just showing up for yourself and each other can make all the difference. And I am confident that if you continue to put in the work you will come out better than you started.